‘I’d like to congratulate [groom] on a wonderful speech, I always knew it would be hard to follow, and I was right…..I could hardly follow a word of it.’
‘What’s the difference between in-laws and out-laws? Out-laws are wanted’
‘[bride], you are an amazing woman who deserves a wonderful husband. And I promise you I won’t rest until I get to the bottom of what’s gone wrong here’
‘If you see [groom] on the dance floor later on, hunched over like a gorilla trying to scrape something disgusting off the bottom of his shoe….don’t panic…..that’s just how he dances’
‘The stag night was pretty wild…..some of the words he was coming out with on that Scrabble board!’
‘[groom] has always been a bit of a hypochondriac but I think he learned his lesson during exam time when he took a sleeping tablet and a laxative in the same night. Unfortunately that was the night we had to share a bed.’
‘I decided to look up [groom’s] date of birth online to see what momentous events took place on his birthday. Unfortunately nothing much seems to have happened. Although the nurses on the ward where [groom] was born still refer to that day as Ugly Tuesday!’
‘Good afternoon ladies and gentleman. If there is anybody here who is feeling worried, nervous or apprehensive? Well your either me or you just married [groom].’