How to Write Wedding Vows: Structure, Tips & Examples
Delivering your wedding vows is undeniably the most beautiful and meaningful part of your wedding ceremony. After all, what could be more magical and intimate than sharing your promises and hopes for the future with the one you love, in front of your family and friends?
Writing your own wedding vows adds an extra level of meaning and personalisation to this already magical moment. It’s a chance to not only share memories and the reasons why your partner is so special to you, but also the promises you intend to keep as a married couple.
But writing your own wedding vows can also feel like a huge undertaking. Where do you start? And how do you find the words to express how you truly feel? Bridebook, the UK’s #1 wedding planning platform used by over 2.8 million couples, has put together this guide to help you find the words — and feel confident saying them.
How to Structure Your Wedding Vows
Every good love story should have a beginning, a middle and an end, right? We recommend the following wedding vow structure to guide you:
- Opening: Begin by reflecting on how you feel in that moment, followed by any special memories or anecdotes. Think about the moment you met, and your journey since.
- Your promises: The core part of your wedding vows should include the specific promises you are making as you head into marriage.
- Closing thoughts: Share your vision and hopes for the future.
What to Include in Your Wedding Vows
Writing your wedding vows can be nerve-wracking. We get it – it’s a big moment and you want to get it right. These are the promises that will shape your marriage and, understandably, you want them to be heartfelt and reflective of the commitment you’re making to your partner.
With all this in mind, we’ve listed the four key elements to include in your personal wedding vows. But the most important thing is to speak from the heart.
Acknowledgement
Reaffirming why you are there, how you feel in that moment and acknowledging what you’re about to embark on today with your loved ones present is important. And whether or not you say it at the beginning or the end – don’t forget to tell your partner those three magic words – ‘I love you’!
Stories
Recounting anecdotes or short stories about when you knew they were the one, what happened on your first date or even the challenges you have faced as a couple will ensure your vows feel authentic. It’ll also feel more moving (and interesting) for everyone looking on.
This is also the time to tell your partner the things you love about them – is it their fierce loyalty? Their witty sense of humour? The fact that they bring you coffee in bed every morning?
Promises
These lifelong commitments will form the core part of your ceremony, so it’s important to make them as personal as possible.
The traditional wedding vows promise to ‘love, honour and obey in sickness and in health’ – however, this may not feel appropriate for you. The beauty of writing your own vows is that they can be as unique as your relationship.
Commitment
Include your hopes and goals for the future and acknowledge that though it won’t always be plain sailing, you plan on being by your partner’s side throughout.
How Long Should Wedding Vows Be?
Your wedding vows should be somewhere around two minutes each in length, but ideally no longer than three. Of course, there may be plenty of things you’d like to say, but you’ll also want to leave some of that content for your wedding speech!
And by all means, keep your wedding vows a surprise for your partner, but don’t forget to agree on the style and length of them, because you’ll want them to be fairly similar. It might feel a bit embarrassing if one of you recites an entire love story, while the other only has one or two promises to share!
Tips for Writing Vows That Sound Like You
- Agree on a style: Of course, many couples prefer to keep their wedding vows a surprise for their partner until the ceremony, but it can helpful to agree on a style or tone, as well as discuss anything you don’t want to include, too. For example, many couples prefer not to use phrases such as ‘to obey’, so it’s important that you’re both on the same page.
- Brainstorm ideas: If you’re struggling on where to start, consider asking yourself questions such as, how did you know they were the one? What details make you smile when you think of them? What does getting married mean to you?
- Focus on things that make your relationship special: Including shared experiences and challenges you’ve faced over the years. Weaving these moments into your vows will keep them personal and show your partner how much they mean to you.
- Consider using song lyrics or quotes: If there’s a song or love poem that holds sentimental value, consider incorporating it into your wedding vows.
- Add some humour: Remember, your pledges don’t have to always feel super serious. Light-hearted promises and messages filled with humour will not only make your partner smile, but your guests too.
- Give yourself plenty of time: We recommend starting to write your wedding vows at least three weeks before the big day. This should give you enough time to make any revisions and practice reading your vows without feeling rushed.
Wedding Vow Examples For Inspiration
If you’re still feeling unsure about where to start when it comes to writing your wedding vows, we’ve got a few wedding vow examples to inspire your own words:
Humorous Personalised Wedding Vows
“To my partner in crime, my fellow adventurer, and the one who loves me even on my ‘bedhead’ days, I stand before you with all my quirks and imperfections. I promise to cherish the laughter in our kitchen dance parties and to be the instigator of countless more. Through every twist and turn, I vow to love you, not just for richer or poorer, but for the unique and wonderful soul that you are.”
Romantic Personalised Wedding Vows
“From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew my life was about to change in the most incredible way. Our story began with a glance, turned into laughter, and unfolded into a beautiful journey of love. Today, in front of our loved ones, I promise to cherish every chapter of our tale, knowing that with you, each page is more enchanting than the last.”
Simple Personalised Wedding Vows
“You are my greatest gift, my partner in adventure, and the one who has turned ordinary moments into extraordinary memories. Today, I express my gratitude for the love you’ve poured into my life. I promise to be your constant supporter, your confidant, and your biggest fan in all the adventures yet to come.”
Common Wedding Vow Mistakes to Avoid
- Being too vague: There’s nothing worse than a woolly vow! Be specific and make promises that speak to you. If you want to promise to make your new spouse a cup of a tea every morning – say that! If you’re promising to be the instigator of every Friday night kitchen dance party – say that! Wedding vows don’t always have to be heavy, and these kinds of promises will add depth to yours.
- Using too many inside jokes: While adding the odd one is fine, you don’t want to completely alienate those who are in attendance by reeling off a ton of inside jokes that nobody else understands.
- Overusing clichés: Choose words and phrases that actually have meaning to you as a couple.
- Making them too long or drastically different in length: Agree on a timeframe and stick to it – the last thing you want is one person speaking for five minutes and another for 30 seconds! Save the long stories for your wedding speech.
- Reading from your phone: No Notes app today, please! The glare of a mobile is unsightly. A piece of paper is fine or – better yet – get your wedding vows printed in a booklet for a memorable keepsake.
Writing Your Own Wedding Vows UK: FAQ
How do you write your own wedding vows?
The first step is to brainstorm your ideas. It may be that you’re keeping your wedding vows a surprise for each other, in which case, agree on a length and tone before making a spider diagram of your favourite memories, the quirks that define your relationship and any challenges you’ve faced along the way.
Next, draw on those notes to help you write your wedding vows, including all the promises you want to make. Follow our wedding vow structure above to guide you.
What should wedding vows include?
Your wedding vows should include any relevant stories and memories you have as a couple and touch on the things that you love most about your partner.
The core part of your wedding vows should be your promises – the pledges you want to make to your partner, however serious or light.
Finally, end with your hopes and dreams for the future, and the lasting final commitment.
How long should wedding vows be?
Your wedding vows should be somewhere between 2-3 minutes each – any longer and your guests might start to get a bit fidgety!
Do both partners read vows at the same time?
Traditionally, it’s the groom who reads his vows first, followed by the bride. However, you can read your wedding vows in whatever order you’d like! This is, of course, especially true for LGBTQ+ ceremonies.
Can you use someone else’s vows as inspiration?
Of course, researching other wedding vows and hearing what other people have said can spark ideas and inspiration, but the most important thing is that your vows are personal to you.
Avoid copying and pasting other people’s words, instead let them guide you in writing your own.
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Bridebook is the world’s #1 wedding planning platform, used by over 2.8 million couples. Our content is informed by real data from the Bridebook UK Wedding Report, which draws on responses from thousands of couples planning their weddings each year. Where expert input is included, contributors are named and their credentials verified. We update our articles regularly to ensure prices, statistics, and advice reflect current market conditions.
You Might Also Like…
- Introduction: Writing Personalised Wedding Vows
- Wedding Vow Examples: 25 Romantic, Funny and Short Vows for Inspiration
- Traditional Wedding Vows: Classic Wording For Church & Civil Ceremonies
- How Long Should Wedding Vows Be?
- 15 Romantic and Inspiring Love Poems for Your Wedding Ceremony
- 100+ Inspiring Love Quotes for Your Wedding Day
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